Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jax_attic's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, August 2nd, 2009
12:45 pm	Lucid Dream Attempt At 8Am this morning I woke up, used the bathroom, drank some water, and returned to my bedroom. I made an inclined seat out of pillows on my bed, and began to meditate with the purpose of lucid dreaming. My head was tilted back, mouth open (although breathing through the nose). I experienced visualizations for the majority of the meditation, but endevoured not to pay attention to them. I found I could increase the buzzing sensation in my chest and arms by ceasing to think about being "a body" outside my body, and focusing more on simply "being" outside my body. The falling sensation came and went in waves, but I couldn't tell what caused the oscillations. Finally, around 45mins in, an overwhelming spinning/falling sensation occured. This was much stronger than any of the sensations I've felt before in meditation. Like the falling feelings, this also came on for no foreseeable reason (I actually realized my mind was wandering in my thoughts as I suddenly came on). Previously when I've experienced the falling sensations, I've become excited that I am about to leave my body. My heart begins to race, my breathing deepens and quickens, I become more aware of my body, and come further out of meditation. This morning, however, my heart rate never increased significantly, so I was able to maintain a deep meditation. Also, about the time of the overwhelming spinning, I noticed the visualizaitons had largely stopped. I tried to somehow utilize the spinning as a way to "hoist" myself out of my body, but could not do it. I felt if I tried I could prolong the spinning feeling, but as it dissipated it became clear that it would not launch me out of my body. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 14th, 2008
8:20 pm	August 20, 2007 Wulling to worship the Cat if Kathrine and.or Hannah fall to the Cat’s preditctions. The Cat had told me, but I forgot. The cat was Egyptian? Rivers were involved?\\\   The Cat does not want oyu to know.I am a puppet to the gods . There are some gods shallow and some gods deep. They are of all lessons.   (Comment on this)
8:19 pm	September 4, 2007 Orange pollution will get attention far sooner than transluscent pollution. Having to go across the country to make drinks sucks. (Comment on this)
8:19 pm	September 9, 2007 I was drinking a liquor that was dark like Jager but we were calling it vodka for some reason. It was special because unless you drank a second drink called Truth after it you would have the worst hangover and sickness of your life afterward. We found some Truth, but it was not the recommended dosage. But the dye was cast, so we had to drink what Truth we found. (Comment on this)
8:18 pm	September 10, 2007 We were kids, sort of, and were on a skiing trip. I was announcing the color of my jacket, and other friends were doing the same, but then this one shit turned to Mel and told her that she was just brown, and she began to defend herself by denying that fact. Somehow I knew it was a dream, and that for her it was a nightmare to face prejudice, so I went over to young Mel and tried to shaker her out of dreaming. For some reason she was in a box, and after shaking the box, I opened it to find half eaten pizza. (Comment on this)
8:18 pm	October 10, 2007 I killed a boy because he cut me in line. Sarah was there, but she wore a different face—I think it was Leslie, her friend. The boy looked like John Meeker from boyscouts. He was looking for a fight, and did’nt know I was dangerous. I hit him in the face and gut several times, and somehow threw him on the ground where his head split open. The cracking sound was between a watermelon bursting open, and an egg cracking. Afterward I looked up a security guard, raised my hands while shrugging my shoulders, and stepped aside so that he could arrest me. He told me that was “Smart choice.” Miguel mcDaniels was sitting in a movie theater with me. I told him I’d go to prison for it, and I realized that this was a new chapter in my life, and that kind of excited me. He told me that I might be able to reason with the judge about my case because the kid was looking for a fight. (Comment on this)
8:17 pm	October 25, 2007 I was in an enclosed area, like a cave, and was climbing a web with someone else. There was a giant bat, twenty or thirty feet tall, hanging upside down on the web, and I was climbing around it. I could hear it breathing, and could see it’s hairs move on it’s body. It was light brown in color. It did not stir at all. (Comment on this)
8:16 pm	November 4, 2007 I was in a skyrise building. I was with a dog that happened to be also some sort of superior alien, and he was advising me against an evil alien/malignant force that was after us. I was going to the bottom floor when the dog tackled me and started kissing me, and then I laughed and told asked the dog if there were bad guys on the bottom floor outside of the elevator, to bit me. He bit me promptly, and I was a little chilled that this dog was actually a superior life form, and we took the stairs up to another floor to avoid anyone following us. I remember feeling the bite like it actually happened. (Comment on this)
8:16 pm	November 9, 2007   I had attempted to commit suicide by gouging my wrists open, and it was making a huge mess. In the mean time I was writing my last letter in a loaf of bread with the same knife, but for some reason there wasn't blood all over it. I can't remember what it said, but it was trite although well carved. Some of hte words were misspelled because i was getting very dizzzy. I picked up my phone because I thought that that's what people did at this point in suicide-- they chose against it. I didn't really have any strong feelings to live, but i thought it might be lame to leave Sarah broken hearted. After I called 911 I also thought that my mom might be unhappy as well with me dying.   When I got out of bed to go to the bathroom there was blood all over the floor, and all I could think was that it would never wash out.   (Comment on this)
8:15 pm	November 10, 2007 I was driving through halls with sarah. We were lost in a mall that was having construction going on, and I was directing her via roadmap as to where to go. Eventually we somehow go out because maybe there wasn't enough room to drive. I was walking through piles of debris and rock, walking between construction guys. Someone with us who was older was making fun of a smaller construction guy because he didn't have a beard. When we finally go to the end of the mall tunnel it was a movie theater lobby, and we ended up going to a Nicole Kidman-Tom Cruise thing, probably Eyes Wide Shut. There were a lot of theaters showing it, and I was lost for a moment. I think Sarah flagged me in. When i went into the theater I woke up.   (Comment on this)
8:15 pm	November 17, 2007 Going on a flight to space with some traveling friends. All the flight staff know them. The flight staff are from London. We take off at night and sky dive down through space over aftrica, only Spiderman is without a parachute. I’m trying to aim so I don’t fall in an ocean, and I think I get a do-over if I mess up. Everyone knows how to do this but me. The Earth is gorgeous by night, and I’m not afraid to fly down on my own, jumping out of the space craft/plane. (Comment on this)
8:14 pm	November 18, 2007 I was in a tech room of a rich guy's mansion. I was with my family-- at least Brynn, carrie and my mother. I'm not sure i was supposed to be there but I definately didn't feel like I shouldve been there. I was applying for ajob even though I wouldn't get it. He was an old white man with a crisp New England accent. He was very patronizing when he spoke to me, and I knew he was up to something. He asked me for the magazine I had in my hand, which somehow reflected my doings on the internet. He flipped through it to find all the raunchy porn I look at habitually, and he acted surprised even though he knew it was there all along. My mother was shocked, and  hid Carrie's eyes away. Brynn just stood there not quite understanding. I didn't do a thing. I just stood there staring, and then he told me that unfortunately I couldn't be hired. He did also say that there was an art gallery entry i could make if I wanted to, but now I needed to leave. Later on I told my mother, after she recovered from her shock that I wouldn't take that kind of humiliation, and that I would make such a good painting that he would have to display it.   (Comment on this)
8:14 pm	November 19, 2007 I was a salmon flying over Harbor Island carried by a bird (sort of like an eagle). I was getting towards freshwater, and I heard a girl say that she liked her salmon fresh. (Comment on this)
8:13 pm	November 30, 2007 I dreamed something that doesn’t exist, and that never has and never will. I dreamed of something impossible. It involved tigers, and possibly a tent. (Comment on this)
8:12 pm	December 17, 2007 Epic battles with creatures that came up out of the rolling landscape—mutants and golfers and little girls with huge swords fought them. The creatures looked like dinosaurs crossed with plants. It was chaos. (Comment on this)
8:11 pm	May 22, 2007   Running behind a small family (three people) in a residential neighborhood. I am naked, and I want to get past them so I am not seen by anyone else. I am running very slowly and I can’t run any faster. People begin to see me, but since I can’t do anything about it I figure it’s not worth worrying about. I think the neighborhood is the Admiral district. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
1:46 pm	January 5, 2007 Graduation for Kaye, Bobby, Adam and Jamie at St. James. It is the end of the fall quarter. I’m with Courtney and PJ. We’re looking at the diplomas which are in the form of plaques. Everyone’s name is spelled wrong, or placed sideways on the plaque—everything is very imperfect. The church begins playing Bach, and Courtney frowns in confusion, but I reassure her because it’s Bach. PJ is unphased by the typos on the diplomas. (Comment on this)
1:45 pm	January 3, 2007 Telking to Kit about Atheism. She’d read this article saying that atheism was a very vain theology and she agreed with it. I was claming to be atheistic and she called me vain, and a teacher was sitting back and watching it all unfold. They told I had to wake up soon, I said we’ll see, then immediately my alarm went off. (Comment on this)
1:44 pm	January 2, 2007 In Sarah’s apartment, doing so many sit ups that my vision begins to blur and go into colors. She smiles and a priest asks me if I’ve ever done acid. (Comment on this)
1:42 pm	March 18, 2007 Midday Watching X Men III, thinking it was monotonous. Mystique was imprisoning the X-Men by shifting into Wolverine’s character, and then was telling them her evil plan as she was setting up some explosives or something. (Comment on this)